The Native Heart of Giving and Receiving Knowing What to Gift for Ceremonies, Healing and Teaching
by Misa misahopkins@yahoo.com
 

My Dear Friends,

This letter is in response to the many questions people have been asking me recently about gifting in the Native tradition.  So, I decided to share via e-mail some of what I knew.  As I  wrote, I realized I had a lot to share, so this letter comes in three parts.  If you find it helpful, or you know someone who would like this information, please pass it on.

The other day, I was preparing gifts to take to my elder.   I had asked her to provide me with some counsel, and I was thinking about how nice it is to finally know how to gift a Native elder in the appropriate way.  I certainly didn't know how to do it ten years ago, when I started on the Red Path.  It took me many years to catch on to some of the proper protocol, because I was so conditioned in the white way of doing things.  I made a lot of embarrassing mistakes.

Over the years, friends and students have shared their own stories of bewilderment about  Native tradition in regard to receiving and gifting for services.  It occurred to me that I might be able to shed a little light and offer some guidelines, based upon my own experiences and the stories I have heard.

Oh, Goodie!  Itís Free

When I got started, I made many mistakes when it came to exchanging energy for services.  My first teacher had invited a group of us to study the Cherokee ways of healing.  I was so thrilled and so busy thinking I was special, it never occurred to me that I should have been gifting her for the privilege. 

When it came to sweat lodge, she had to tell us a dollar figure that would be an appropriate amount to gift her, the fire tender, the singer, and the land holder.  I know it was uncomfortable for her.  It never occurred to any of us to ask another elder what we should gift her to save her the discomfort. Heck, I didn't even know I needed to bring my elder tobacco when we began talking about my first quest.  I only gave her a very, very small monetary gift at the end of my quest, along with a quilt.  The quilt was a good gift because it had sentimental value and had
been passed on through the family, but the check was less than what I should have given her that first day, just to ask her to intercede for me.

Because she had a day job, and because she had extended the offer to me, I was operating from the notion, "Oh goodie, a bargain - this is FREE!"

I have learned a lot since then.  Fortunately, she was patient with me.  She and I spent a lot of long hours together, so I got to know her pretty well.  When I understood that her true calling was to bring teaching and healing to the people in her native way, I realized I had something I needed to give.

More than anything, she wanted to quit her day job, so that she could focus on the work she had truly come here to do.  That was when I began organizing workshops, meetings and private appointments for my elder.  Her income expanded, and she finally did leave her job.  And finally, I had made an appropriate gift to my elder.  I may not have had much money at the
time to gift her, but I knew how to create it for her.  Even when my apprenticeship was over, I continued to send her a check once a year for several years.


Taking Care of Each Other Is Part of the Path

Eventually, I became her right hand.  We traveled together around the Northwest meeting both Native and non-native friends.  People who knew the traditional ways of gifting, were generous beyond my comprehension.  Frequently, someone would put a wad of money in my hands, saying quietly, ěFor your travels.î

Translated, this meant, they recognized that my elder needed to have her living and expenses covered, and they recognized me, as her right hand, to be the steward who would make sure her needs were met.  These chunks of cash were usually given, after several beautiful and expensive gifts were offered to both my elder and me.

I assure you, we worked our you-know-whatís off.  We were there to be of service, and service we gave.  We counseled, did readings, cleaned out disturbing spirits, provided healing, taught, and offered ceremony.  Whatever needed to be done we did, as long as we were called to be of service for them.


The Gift of Taking Responsibility for Our Own Generosity

The Native people and the people who practice native traditions were my teachers about generosity.  There is a great power that we experience when we take responsibility for our own generosity.  We become the ones, through our gifting, who express to Spirit our gratitude for the gift we are receiving. 

The traditional native practice puts the responsibility of gifting for services in the hands of
the receiver.  It is expected that we will listen to Spirit, and gift generously within our own means. If we give to the least of our ability, that is the measure of its worth.  If we give to the best of our ability, we are telling Spirit, that is the measure of its worth.  So as we give, we receive.

Lately, I have been hearing more and more about traditional folks charging for ceremonies in order to ensure they are able to make a living.  At the very least, more and more are suggesting donations.  Many non-native people are more comfortable with this arrangement because they don't have to figure out what to give.  Many people I know who walk the Red Path are
disturbed by this turn, arguing that it diminishes the healing, and may be putting the responsibility in the wrong place.


Gifting Is Part of The Spiritual Practice

Some years ago, a friend told me a story about a man who had been called to begin offering a ceremony.  It is common for someone called to perform ceremony to make a large gift to Spirit as the apprenticeship begins.  This man knew from his prayers that he needed to give away his brand new truck (and he was still making payments on it). 

Now that is a tough one!  To someone not on a Red Path, this may sound harsh, or like something he just thought he had to give, but really didn't.  But Spiritís ways are wise.  Perhaps he had too much attachment to this truck, or he was exercising too much macho energy  whenever he drove it, or maybe he had been taking advantage of his community for years and it was time to give back.  Usually there is a very good reason we are asked to make a gift of this nature.

This man must have decided it was too much to give, because he continued to apprentice, but refused to make the offering Spirit was calling for.  Several weeks later, he was in an accident and his car was totaled.  Spirit doesn't ask us to give more than we can truly afford to give.  Spirit asks us to give what is healthy and appropriate for us to give. A lovely elder and friend of mine once told me, "Misa, if it is food you need, it is food you give away.  If it is money you need, you give away money.  This is how you let Spirit know that you trust.  You are telling Spirit you know you will always be provided for."

I have used her advice for several years now, and it works.  Several times, I did not know how I would pay the rent, so I sent a check to someone in greater need than me.  Consistently, I received work or a donation in plenty of time to meet my financial obligations. Her teaching complements the traditional ways perfectly.  Gifting is an act of trust.

The traditional ways may seem strange to those who have not grown up with them, but they work.  My understanding about gifting, as I view it from the eyes of my traditional friends, is about honoring yourself and the person you are gifting.

Traditional people and people practicing the traditional ways notice when you honor their ways.
You honor someone, when you demonstrate respect for their practices.    In honoring them, we create an opportunity to better understand someone else and to learn new perspectives.  Acts of respect toward other cultures, go a long way in bringing diverse cultures closer together.

NEXT TIME:  We will explore gifting in relationship to:
    
-  Thoughts From Folks Who Have Lived On the Reservation

-  General Guidelines for Ceremonies, Weddings, Namings, House Blessings,  Spirit Removals, Private Couseling, and Readings

Until the next time. You remain as always in my heart and songs,
Misa

Hi Friends,

Here is part two of the letter I promised you.  I hope it is helpful to you or someone you know needs the information.  It can be quite helpful to hear perspectives about gifting for services and ceremonies from people who have grown up or spent time on the reservation.  We will start there and then look at some general guidelines for specific ceremonies.


Thoughts From Friends Who Have Lived On the Reservation

One of my full-blood friends described gifting this way.  "People have interesting interpretations about the Indian ways.  I grew up on the reservation, and I can tell you, healing costs (healing often refers to the healing that occurs in all kinds of ceremonies, counseling, etc.).  People pay.  When you ask for help, you are expected to give horses, blankets, hides, food and those things aren't cheap."

Another person who spent time on the reservation once told me, "You bet the people gift for the services. They often give substantial amounts of money, and if the work is significant, they might make offerings for years.  They never left their Spirit people without. The services might be freely given, but it is never assumed that you take those gifts and offer nothing or little in return."

General Guidelines

Here are some general guidelines for the ceremonies, readings, etc. that I am familiar with.  If at anytime, you have a question or are invited to a ceremony I have not mentioned, please call me and I will do my best to help you determine a proper and honorable gift. A couple good rules of thumb that have helped me are:

1.  With all ceremonies and healings the greater the work the bigger the gift.

2.  Gift within your means.  Gifting is not about putting yourself into a financial bind.  If you don't have money, offer what you can - referrals, services, organize classes for the person from whom you are requesting services.  Some of the sweetest gifts you might offer are to help the teacher or healerís gifts become better known, or repairing their car, or doing clerical work, etc.

Ceremonies In General

When someone requests ceremony for questing, wedding, house blessing, spirit removal, special sweat lodge (like a healing, transition lodge for someone who has recently died, or a lodge before a wedding), there is protocol to follow.   It is appropriate to bring: 1) tobacco wrapped in red cloth; 2) a physical gift of some kind, in many traditions it is appropriate to bring cloth; and 3) an envelope with a significant monetary gift, when you make the request.  How much? Depends of course, but a $100 minimum is probably safe.  (This is just to make the request.) Remember, your spirit person will probably have expenses and/or time involved preparing for this ceremony. If there are any expenses involved getting to the site, cover those too.

NOTE:  Place the tobacco near them, but not in their hands.  Once the spirit worker picks up the tobacco, they are committed to helping you.  If you place it in their hands, you have obligated them.  If they pick it up, they are willingly agreeing to help you.


Weddings, Naming Ceremony, etc.

With these ceremonies, call your local Justice of the Peace and ask what they charge to perform a wedding outside the courthouse.  Your gift should be comparable.  In this area, JPís charge $200-350.  If that is too much, then ask Spirit for a reasonable amount that you can afford. (Or be creative ń ask Spirit to help you make enough money to offer a nice gift!)   If you are going to receive counseling or help writing your vows before the ceremony, gift the same that you might pay a minister or counselor per hour for counseling.  At these ceremonies, it is common to offer physical gifts to those in attendance.  Ask your spirit person for guidance for the particular ceremony.


House Blessings and Spirit Removal

This is tough to nail down, but Iíll give it my best shot.  I recommend following the Justice of the Peace rule for light duty work.  If that seems like too much, for a single office or small place, that is pretty clean, $100-200 seems at least reasonable. I don't know about others doing this work, but I would estimate a reasonable range to be between $200-500, if there are any spirits or dense energy involved, or it was a place with many rooms, or a piece of land. If there is LOT of bad energy or negative spirits, expect to offer more. 

Demonic de-possession or houses where black magic has been practiced should be a bigger gift!  I would consider offering $500-$1,000 or more for really heavy work. Be sure to pay all travel expenses. Keep in mind, with heavy spirits, the spirit person may very well be putting their life on the line to help you. And it could end up saving you a huge bill with a therapist or doctor, or even allow you to sell a property to have your space cleaned out.


Counseling and Readings

When I visit my elder for counsel, I bring her three or four things.  I bring her tobacco wrapped in red cloth (or sage and cedar because I know she starts accumulating an excess of tobacco).  I bring food for her family, and an envelope with the largest monetary offering I can afford.  Since she prints out a lot of astrology reports, I often bring her paper, or sometimes music to enjoy, or some other gift.  I honor her to the best of my ability, because that is how much value she brings into my life.

When people ask me about what is appropriate to gift for counseling, I suggest they research what it would cost to see a therapist, counselor, psychic or minister.

NOTE:  It is considered to be highly disrespectful to schedule time with a spirit person and not show.  If you have changed your mind, be courteous ń call them, tell them you have changed your mind, and mail an offering for the time they set aside for you.


Spirit Workers Are Trained in Powerful Ways You May Never Hear About

Please let go of thoughts that spirit workers should get regular jobs - they are doing their regular job.
And please do not make the mistake of thinking that traditional people should not be paid as much as people with degrees, because they don't have college degrees. 

People who do this work usually apprentice for some time, and Spirit has a way of preparing its spirit workers in its own way.  They have probably quested many times and have experienced some powerful tests to prepare them for their work.  These experiences are usually not talked about, out of respect for your own journey, but their lessons are usually a lot more challenging than anything a professor at a university could even begin to dream up.

NEXT TIME:  We'll explore guidelines for
-  Sweat Lodges
-  Healing
-  Quests
-  Attending Ceremonies

Until then, you remain as always.

In my heart and songs,
Misa

Hi Friends,

This is the last part of the three-part letter on giving and receiving in the Native way.  If this has
been helpful and you would like more information, please contact me at my e-mail address below.  Thank you for caring enough to read this information.

SPECIAL NOTE:  A friend reading these letters, wrote to remind us that even when we are just running late for an appointment, it is courteous to call out of respect for anotherís time.  Thanks Jeanne.  As my elder once said, 'Indian time does not mean being late.'

Now, on with the information about gifting for ceremonies.

Sweat Lodge

For a special lodge that you are requesting where you will invite others to participate, figure $20-$40 per person in the lodge.  A $10-20 offering per person for the fire tender, is also a good idea.  If you will be the only person in lodge, consider what you might pay a minister or therapist per hour, and gift according to the number of hours you were in lodge.   If you can, it is often greatly appreciated if you bring firewood.  Otherwise, it is good to help by compensating the land owner or who-ever provided the wood with another $10-20 per person.  We usually wrap

some tobacco and money in red cloth for each person we are gifting.

Invited to a Sweat Lodge?   The per person ranges mentioned above are also appropriate if you have been invited to a lodge, even if it is to support someone else.


Healing Ceremony

If you are requesting a lodge for healing especially chronic illness, it is appropriate to give in greater measure than the guidelines above.  With such healing as for cancer, Parkinson, multiple sclerosis, etc. the heavy hitters gift well.  Consider this.  Unlike the M.D. who puts his/her career and reputation on the line to help you heal, in a true medicine healing, the healer is putting their own life on the line to help you.  What is that worth?  It is priceless, of course.
 

I don't know any suggested ranges for healing work, whether in lodge or out of lodge.  What I recommend, is that you sit down, get very still with Spirit and listen carefully.  Consider what this healing is probably saving you in medical bills and medication. Then gift to the best of your ability.

Because Western medicine costs so much, some people simply don't have very much in financial resources. This is where I think the concept of medicine being freely given is at its true meaning.  A true healer would never deny healing to someone with a life threatening illness, who truly would use the medicine gift to heal, with or without re-numeration. At the same time, if you really don't believe in the power of the medicine you are requesting, you should question why you are asking for the healing.  If you do believe in its power, there is probably a friend or
family member who would help you make a proper gift to the healer.  At the very least, remember that person when you are feeling well and making money again, and gift your healer for their contribution to your health.


Quest

At the end of YOUR quest, it is appropriate to make another offering, bigger than your offering to request ceremony.  I have seen and heard about gifts to an intercessor of $400-$1,200 for a quest.    Blankets (often Pendletonís) are also the traditional gift given to the intercessor. In lieu of a blanket (if you know your intercessor has other needs) or in addition, it is appropriate to offer other physical gifts. 

If the person holding the ceremony, has invited an elder to help intercede for the quester, the elder should be gifted nicely too (including money if that person has traveled).  A knife is a traditional gift given (or something equivalent if you know the person), along with a sum of money (a little less than the intercessorís), to the head of security (if security is there).

If a drum or singer is present, be sure to offer them some money for their travels.  Physical gifts should be made to others who came to support you. Another nice gift is made to the land holder if you are on private land. Your right hands should also receive gifts and (if you can) monetary support for their efforts.  The gifts are given in proportion to the gift of the supporter.  Someone helping for a day receives a smaller gift than someone who ran the kitchen, and he or she receives a smaller gift than the head of security.

Many people choose to make their monetary gift to the intercessor at the end of ceremony.  Since some intercessors work with people all year long, they might appreciate receiving an initial offering to get things started, receive appropriate monetary gifts for regular counseling sessions and then receive a nice donation at the end.  It helps them meet their financial obligation throughout the year.  This will depend on your intercessor, so call me if you wish, and/or check it out with Spirit to determine what is best.

Did those numbers for quest scare you?????  Consider this.  If you were going to a four day or week long retreat where you could expect spiritual input that would vastly open your spiritual life, and someone was going to help you prepare for that, what would you expect to pay if it were advertised in a New Age Trade Magazine?


Attending Ceremony

We often gift for ceremonies (weddings and namings are exceptions I know about), even when we attend ceremony, and even when we attend to support others. Why?  When you attend ceremony, you receive gifts! Your dreams may be stimulated, you may receive healing, or you may have some of your own gifts awakened. 

Make a monetary offering to the intercessor, an elder or elders also offering intercession for the ceremony.  Monetary offering should also be made to the singer (if there is a single singer who has come to sing the sacred songs to the participants), or the drum (meaning the drum itself and the drummers), if one is present.  And the land-holder, if it is on private land.  Helping with chores is always appropriate!

NOTE:         Many ceremonies use quite a bit of wood to keep lodge or other sacred fires burning.  It is always appropriate to contribute wood.

ALSO:  Some ceremonies have a kitchen running.  If that is the case, ask if they would prefer monetary or food donations to cover meals.



The Power of Generosity

Many times in my 10 years of dedication to this path, I have received wonderful blessings from people I have served.  I have been blessed with places to live, support in creating the CD, help working on my car, transportation costs covered, organized workshops, or large monetary gifts that allowed me to pay my expenses for a while.  In the way I was taught, I treasure each gift and bless the giver many times over for the generosity I received. I can't tell you how deeply it touches my heart when someone gives, not to the least of their ability, but to the greatest of their ability.  I can feel the spirit of the gift when I receive it, and my heart moves.  I am honored and do everything I can to honor the gift in return with the best I have to offer.

Our last Song Quest showed me the profound power of the generous spirit.  We emphasized generosity in all ways from putting our hands to work, to healing, to gifting and monetary offerings.  WOW!  It was a very powerful year for the questers and one of the most gentle, fluid experiences in camp ever.  Spirit could not have been speaking any louder about the power of
the generous spirit.

Generosity of spirit is one of the healing balms that soothes the aches of humanity.  I hope this
information will be helpful to you as you receive and honor the gifts from those who walk a native, traditional path.  As it is in many traditions, honor reaps great rewards, the very least of which, being treated with honor in return.

Please pass this along to anyone who might be helped by this story.

In my heart and songs,

Misa

misahopkins@yahoo.com